To Live For
by KiTTzu
Summary: (Post CA: CW) There's nothing left for him. Just nothing. He carries on, he keeps going, but what's the point? Why should the once proud Tony Stark carry on with life?
1. 1: Abandoned

This **is set after CA: Civil War. It's a teensy bit AU, you'll see. ;)**

 **This is inspired COMPLETELY by the fic:** **'Reckless** **Abandon' by Deception's Call. That fic is AMAZING please go check it out.**

Disclaimer **: MARVEL belongs to MARVEL. Not me.** **Kinda self-explanatory.**

 **O-O**

 _Abandoned._ _That's what I am._

The Avengers? Ha! There _are_ no Avengers anymore. Not for Tony Stark anyway.

Why?

Because they abandoned him.

 **O-** **O**

After their 'civil war', the Avengers scattered.

Natasha disappeared, being the spy that she is.

Clint went back to his family - he doesn't know whether he'll stay there for good.

Steve, Wanda, Sam and Scott are hiding out somewhere, fugitives.

Rhodes? He's dead. Didn't survive the fall. They couldn't save him.

Vision? Ha! No-one knows.

Thor is still in Asgard.

Bruce is still missing.

But what about Tony?

They've forgotten him. He's sat in his lonely tower, his only company being his own robots.

 **O-O**

He's heard Pepper found someone else.

He tries to convince himself that he's happy for her, but his heart _yearns_ just to be with her again, to stroke her soft hair again, to feel her smooth lips against his.

But he knows she's happier now.

 **O-O**

Tony tries to distract himself from the pain the way he always does; drowning himself in his work.

So he makes suits - knowing full well he'll never use them.

After all, there's no Iron Man anymore.

 **O-O**

"JARVIS, buddy, you there?" Tony asks one evening.

 _"For you, sir, always."_

For the first time in eight months, Tony smiles.

 **O-O**

It's been a year now, and Tony keeps holding on. He continues building, fixing his bots. They're his only family now, he can only talk to JARVIS.

He has to look after his family.

He lost his previous one.

 **O-O**

Tony loses the ability to sleep. He just _can't_ anymore.

He resort to pills.

But they don't stop the dreams.

 **O-O**

A year and a half.

Tony keeps tinkering, but his heart isn't in it.

He soon gives up.

And sits. All day. Thinking. About the life he used to live, that he'd give _anything_ to live again.

 **O-O**

Two years, and Tony's broken.

"JARVIS? Are you there?" he asks the ceiling.

He doesn't get an answer.

JARVIS is broken. Tony can't fix him.

Because he's broken too.

 **O-O**

His bots break too. Now Tony Stark is truly alone.

 **O-O**

He's gone mad, he's sure of it.

He can never stop the _voices_ ringing in his head, Clint's jokes, Natasha's jokey threats, Thor's booming laugh, Steve's old-fashioned tone and Bruce's gentle voice.

Rhodey's teasing.

And Pepper. Oh Pepper.

 **O-O**

He's considered suicide.

 _Why not?_ he asks himself. _Who would miss you? Who would even notice?_

"No-one," he mutters darkly to himself.

 **O-O**

Two and a half years.

He's going to do it.

 **O-O**

 **PLEASE REVIEW!!**

 **~KiTTzu**


	2. 2: Nothing to live for

**CHAPTER TWO! ENJOY!**

 **O-O**

Tony Stark has _nothing to live for._

So he might as well do it.

It would be so easy. So easy just do end his suffering, his lonliness. So easy to pull that trigger. Or to jump. Or to take out his reactor and _feel_ the shrapnel slowly piercing his heart.

So easy.

 **O-O**

Tony Stark stands in his workshop, taking one last look at his home. All around him are littered the ghosts of broken and unfinished bots and projects.

He has a will, but everyone on it is gone.

 _Nothing to live for._

He wonders how long it will be until someone finds his body, laid out on his workshop floor, a hole in its head.

He'd leave a note, but who'd read it?

 _Nothing to live for._

He picks up the handgun and he begins to shake. To tremble. Tony supposes he _used to be_ scared of death, because it meant leaving everything, _everyone._

But everyone had _already_ left him.

 _Nothing to live for._

Grasping the weapon in his right hand, he slowly brings it up, shaking, to his right temple.

As soon as he feels the touch of cold metal against his skin, his body starts racking with uncontrollable sobs, tears pouring down his face, but he doesn't remove the gun.

He can feel his finger slowly tightening around the trigger, and he begins to feel panicked, but it doesn't stop.

Sobbing, shaking, he's a wreck, but there's something slightly satisfying about _finally_ being _so close_ to the end, after all this time.

 _Any second now,_ he thinks. Soon he'll hear that _BANG!_ and his suffering will end.

 _Any second now, come on... come-_

"Mister Stark," a voice says behind him, and the _cruel familiarity_ of it is almost enough to make him drop the gun. _Almost._ But his finger does stop tightening, and his sobs quieten.

"Tony," Steve Rogers says slowly and cautiously, as if Tony could break at any moment, which, of course, he could. "Put the gun down."

Tony can hear Steve coming closer to him, approaching him. He wants to stop him.

"NO!" Tony screams, still not turning around to face Steve. His whole body is shaking harder than ever now as his sudden outburst causes the footsteps behind him to pause.

"DON'T! I'LL DO IT, I SWEAR, I WILL!"

The trembling man is clearly not himself, he's unstable, broken.

Steve is drowning in guilt. _How the hell could we have forgotten about him like this?_ And all this time the billionaire had been slowly deteriorating.

He has to stop him.

"Tony, plea-" he begins but is cut off by another scream.

"I SAID DON'T!" There is so much pain and desparation in his voice.

Steve begins to panic as Tony's trigger finger visibly begins to slowly tighten. Time's running out.

Steve doesn't know what to do.

But Pepper does. All of a sudden, she's right next to Steve, but her eyes are fixated on her trembling and broken ex.

 _"Tony,"_ she says ever so softly, barely above a whisper.

There's a clatter as the gun falls out of Tony's hand onto the hard floor.

 **O-O**

 **So I wasn't really sure where to end this but THERE YA GO!**

 **Shall I add another chapter or two that's the reunion between Tony and the team? I don't know. PLEASE REVIEW!!**


End file.
